The Look

"The eyes are windows to the soul." Whoever said that had a beautiful, romantic concept of vision. I, on the other hand, think eyes are the way to make your children realize they are in trouble when you can't scream out loud at them. Over the years I have perfected many mommy looks:

• Did-you-really-just-touch-your-own-poop look
• If-we-weren't-around-someone-who-would-report-me-you-would-get-a-spanking look
• I-swear-I-am-going-to-throw-my-own-tantrum-if-you-don't-stop-crying look
• If-you-gag-on-my-food-one-more-time-I-will-serve-you-pigs-feet look
• Never-again-ask-someone-why-they-are-wearing-socks-with-sandals look

I have also tried my hand at a few spouse looks:

• Don't-you-dare-tell-your-mother-that-I-just-spit-out-her-food look
• You-are-dead-when-we-are-home look
• It-would-be-great-if-you-would-get-off-your-sorry-keastor-and-chase-the-kids look
• If-you-even-think-of-touching-me-I-will-cut-it-off look